The Choice

I haven’t “worked” in almost 3 years. It’s hard to even write that. Thinking about it, saying it or writing it makes me extremely anxious. It’s the classic go-to thoughts of most stay at home parents that I know. I know all the familiar arguments about modern feminism and recognize that I am extremely fortunate to even have a  “choice” about whether or not I work outside the home.  Yet even with the continual repetition validating these “choices” in my head, I still can’t truly get to a place where I am 100% comfortable with my current role.

After the allotted “MorningMommyTimeOut” that I give myself each morning with my 3rd cup of coffee, I took the time to psychoanalyze the situation, I came up with the following truths that have led me to this current predicament:

My Mother was/is a one of the hardest workers that I know and worked outside the home the duration of my life.  {You’re amazing Mama, keep it up!}

I, like most of society, still don’t truly value the role of a stay at home parent. {This really sucks. I know}

I, like most of my peers, judge myself on where in the world I am and what I am doing. {Stay at home Mama/Housewife in Suburbia, F…}

I really can’t shake my uvy-groovy souls desire to save the world. {Cage-free-Chickens-4-life!}

And finally, being a good parent and stay at home Domestica, is really flipping hard! {I mean, like, REALLY flipping hard!}

There are days, when it’s sunny and warm and I bask in the glory of MommyHood and all things domestica, I love my babies, my man and my life so SO much.  These are the days that I live for, that make ‘the choice’ more than worth it.

…and then there are the other days. The days were your baby wakes you up every hour and then both of your children wake up with poopy diaper explosions that, of course, are covering the sheets that you just washed. Then, after you’ve cleaned the bottoms in the sink and swear that you’ll remember to scrub it down with disinfectant, take the sheets off the bed and the crib (which is actually really hard!) you look over and see your toddler trying to get your 9 month old to chew on the vacuum wire that is still plugged in because you were just vacuuming the dog hair from the couch because the dog slept on it because she was mad at you for not taking her for a long enough walk the day before.  This is all before 8am.

Gosh I love a good vent sesh- I hope that was as good for you as it was for me.

In conclusion (i.e. my daughter is about to rip my laptop in half) I don’t know where my path will lead me. What I do know is that for today, I want to take time to appreciate where I am in my life, to remember that my babies will only be babies once, that what I’ve learned about myself and life in these 3 years are invaluable and that if/when I choose to go back to work- I’d be a complete freaking Rockstar.

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4 thoughts on “The Choice

  1. Just know that you are equally appreciated by the people that love you, Anna! I love reading your blog and am glad to see you always shining with that positive attitude and energy. You’re the best!

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  2. Like you said it is great to have that choice. You are doing great and I’m very proud of you. Some how if the situation was different I still feel confident that you would be able to adjust and do well. That is just you. Life definitely has its challenges no matter where you are in it. The secret to it is enjoying every step of the way. Dirty diapers, dirty households, moody teenagers, feeling fat, grey hairs and wrinkles… you name it…enjoy!

    FYI – really enjoy reading your blog.

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  3. Keep it up Anna!! I can definitely relate now being unemployed myself. Yes, I’m working on my masters and completing the required internship. Yes, I get up each week day and go to the office, but I don’t get a pay check. A part of me feels like I’m not contributing to our young family, but I’m very thankful for Richard. He’s never complained about the budget and is willing to help out when ever he can. His words of encouragement have helped me through the rough times. Love the blog and the heart felt writing.

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  4. anna-you are writing what is on EVERY stay at home mom’s mind! you are truly inspiring! 🙂 love reading your thoughts…and i find myself nodding my head in aggreement every single time i read your posts!! ❤ keep it up, mamma!

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